Fat or PHAT?

2008-08-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

In a recent study held by the chief committee group of the NAFAFSAFFC (The National Association of the Fight Against False Statements About Fast Food Companies), a shocking discovery was retrieved. The study involved 2 persons ranging all the way from ages 18-65 and ethnic groups of all types such as Caucasian and African-American.

I could begin breaking up each step conducted in the study and outlining the behaviors taken to retrieve the results, but to save some time -- I'd like to focus on a special individual that we believe might change the course of fast food history as we know it.

His name was Andrew Andersen. He grew up in a small town known as China. In the year 1990, he sailed over to a nearby location in Utah where he tilled the garden during the shy night and served dumplings to Ma and Pa. Well, as time went on, he began to wonder if there was more out there than the same old, boring garden work so he went on a quest.

Andrew was born with a compass tattooed to his right bicep so he used this to travel North toward the nearest star. After nearly 30 steps and almost 200 seconds, he was physically knocked out. Awaking from a dream of hunger, he gazed up with his blurry eyes and noticed a big yellow star shining gloriously above him. Following a harsh gasp he uttered, "Its a sign!". Surely enough, the sign said "Carl's Jr". This is where he partook of the Burger of Life for his first time.

Andrew attended this church (Carl's Jr) everyday for 2yrs, sometimes even twice a day partaking of the Burgers of Life. He would often run into Satan's followers who would murmur against the goodness of Carl's using outrageous claims like, "Your so-called 'Burgers of Life' will make you fat and probably kill you one day!" Being a dedicated saint, Andrew took no heed to these statements and continued to spread the word...and fry sauce.

After 2 years of daily partaking, he proved Satan's followers to be incorrect due to the nature of his physical results. He did not gain 1 single pound of fat during the course of his life. He has empathy for those who don't understand the path of the star and have no direction in their life. Andrew eventually received eternal life and resides on planet Carl known by the heavens as the phattest partaker of any star.

The 65 year-old African American was discovered to have never existed. This was the saddest finding of the study as they never had the chance to try our burger sample.

Concluding, the NAFAFSAFFC found that 100% of all those partaking of the Burger of Life will have a 125% chance of avoiding heart problems, losing and maintaining phenomenal weight, and rapidly producing a contagious cure for the AIDS virus.

Cheers,
Andrew
"Eat, be merry" Carl 3:16

on3

Fat or PHAT?